Friday, August 28, 2015

Neil Patrick Harris: Choose Your Own Autobiography by Neil Patrick Harris


Ted: Hey Kids! Do you remember that time when Uncle Neil wrote his Choose Your Own Autobiography?

Kids: No not really... Oh great here we go again!

Ted: This story is going to leave you speechless and make you love Uncle Neil even more that you thought you possibly imagine!

(Cue the theme song)

♫♫ pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa ta da ta da ta da ta da da da ♫♫

Ted: The year was 2014, and by now I already fell in love with your mother, Aunt Robin was married to Uncle Neil, and life could not get any better! Until Uncle Neil took the time out of his busy life to write his own autobiography. Along the way he discovered that he is not the only famous person in the planet that has written their own life story. He figured being the Legend-wait for it-dary person that he truly is, discovered that as a child, he loved reading those choose your own adventures stories where you get to play the main character and get to decide your fate in the storyline, hopefully you would choose the correct path but most times than not you made the bad choices that ruined the fate of your character. So with using his creative mind, he decided to make the reader a.k.a You as Neil Patrick Harris and hopefully you choose the correct path to fame and stardom or ended up working at Subways wishing the life that you could have lived.

You learn that he grew up in New Mexico, he pursued theater at a very young age, and is incredibly lucky when it comes to how fate dealt the cards for him. Everyone encouraged him to pursue acting in a performing arts high school but refuse the sacrificed that his family and friends will struggle. So instead he attended a prestigious summer camp which the director of the event would later give him his lucky break with first film with none other than Whoopi Goldberg!!

Kids: Who is Whoopi Goldberg?

Ted: Oh yea thats right you live in the 21st century! You guys make me feel old. The woman who played in Sister Act as that fake nun, and that crazy psychic in Ghost? Won an Oscar? Ring a bell...??

Kids: *Stares blankly and shrugs*

Ted: Um... Anyway, Neil got a taste of the acting virus and could not get enough of it. After a few years and getting more experience in the entertainment business, he lands on his first major role of a lifetime as Doogie Howser!

Kids: OH YEA! You showed us that amazing show on Netflix and could not believe it only lasted for only 4 seasons?

Ted: It was Hulu but whose is keeping count?.. Yea I loved that show while growing up and what attracted such a huge fan base is that it was not a kids show and instead more of a drama!

Back to my story, after the show was sadly cancelled, Neil explored and indulge the life of a teen idol. He partied with other famous teenagers such as Ed Alonzo, the handsome Stephen Dorff, and countless others. He even witness the spoil brat Shannon Doherty going bat (bleep) crazy in the club with another girl. After many insane moments, Neil called it quits to the LA scene and decided to explore other career options.

At the same token, Neil had discovered that he was different from all his friends and family members. He discovered early on that he did not like girls and instead love boys. It was a confusing time for his upbringing but along the way in this incredible journey called life, he discovered his true identity and even met the love of his life known as Uncle David/Scooter.

It was a difficult time being teen idol yet he was a young adult by the time Doogie was finished. He did many made-for-tv movies but wanted to discover again the root of his passion for acting which was theater. He embarked on some life changing experiences while touring in musicals and has many crazy/amazing/sexual memories on these events in his book.

When life could not get any better, your Uncle landed his 2nd biggest role on television on How I Met Your Mother as Barney Stinson. I believe this role will surpass Doogie any day and made everyone fall in love with him instead of me.

Kids: Wait our life is a television show? We are a work of fiction?

Ted: How many times do I have tell you guys... Our life is real as it can be, but when I met your mother and discover what an epic adventure it was, I wrote the pilot script and submitted it to CBS and they developed my life story into a sitcom. Obviously they had to change a few characters name like Uncle Neil, and he could not reprised himself and live through that Legen-wait for it-dary period of his life so instead we hired his evil twin Dr. Horrible.

Uncle Neil was finally high on life. He had discovered his life partner, was on a hit sitcom show, and life could not get any better. He hosted a few awards show like the Emmys, Oscars, and made hit breaking records at the Tonys. He learned that coming out to the media could be career ending but luckily nobody couldn't care less about who he slept with and at the end of the day we love him as Barney. No one could deny that truth.

After nine wonderful seasons of HIMYM, he began researching a challenging role to act on Broadway and was offered the title role of Hedwig And The Angry Itch. It was a charming and exciting experience for it and one of the most difficult roles to play both physically and psychological. With all the hard work in place was rewarded with benefits and it won him the Tony for Best Actor.

There is so much in this book that I cannot do it justice. You learn secret hobbies and passions of Neil such as magic, the journey to fatherhood, and the incredible people that he has encounter on this path to fame. I love Uncle Neil and is one of the best role models of someone who is happy, loved, and is not afraid to try new experiences and experience life with open hands. 

Sadly I had to read the book without choosing an adventure because it drives me nuts not knowing if I have read every page of the book and do not like the whole going back and forth from childhood to adulthood in 3 secs. I highly recommend this book for you kids and everyone on planet Earth! Until next time!

Kids: THAT'S IT?

Ted: Thats it...

Kids: No, I don't buy it! That is not the reason you made us listen to this. 

Ted: Oh really? Then what is the reason?

Kids: Lets look at the facts here. You mean us to sit down and listen to the story of how awesome Uncle Neil is and how he wrote a "Choose Your Own Autobiography" when it is your lame attempt to avoid the announcement that you and Aunt Robin are getting married? Yet Aunt Robin is barely in the story. This is you trying to beat around the bush with telling us that you are in love with Robin after our mother passed away. Dad we are perfectly fine and you should marry her.

Ted: I kept this story short, to the point and you guys still missed it! The point of the story is your Uncle Neil is..


Ted: No I don't!

Kids: Yes you do!

Ted: You are both grounded!

Kids: Then does this review provide a resolution to everything that is going on in Uncle Neil and our life?

Ted: As your Uncle mentions in his book, "Kids, sometimes things don't end the way everybody wants them to. Sometimes they just kind of . . . end."

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